independent and selective VALKYRIE CAIN from the Skulduggery Pleasant series by Derek Landy; as written by caine ( ally ). blog was originally established in feb2013, and rebooted in mar2016.
her head tilts ever so slightly as she looks towards the sound of his voice, barely moving, almost like a stone statue ; frozen. unmoving. but that’s where the similarities ended, because inside she’s cursing herself for failing, for being WEAK, for putting skulduggery in even more DANGER than normal, for acting like a child and running back into the world of grown-ups without preparing, without being able to do what’s required.. she never should have accompanied him, and she of course realised it too late; and she can’t stop thinking of how things could have ended, how things could have been a lot WORSE than broken bones on her part, than a heap of dead cleavers, than a detached bone on the skeleton detective.. && yet here he was; caring for her again, like she was a child- and she could see why people would think that.. what she had just tried to do had been childish… she’d tried to be one of the big bad adults, and she’d failed.
the CONCERN she could hear in his voice was what did it–it was the thing that made her angry at herself.. she didn’t deserve concern, she didn’t deserve to have someone care about her, she deserved to just be left there; injured && in pain. that was what she deserved, and they weren’t letting her do just that; and she didn’t understand why. ❝ SKULDUGGERY I said I’m fine, b’sides it’s just a broken rib, or two– far better than being dead or unconscious, so I’m fine.. You should probably go check on Tanith… ❞ because of course she’d put her sister in danger as well, and she couldn’t stand to go and see how badly injured she’d caused her to be.
she’d been about to continue talking until he interrupted ; making her lose her train of thought, leaving her confused about what he was talking about. what hadn’t she told him? she was sure if there was something she wouldn’t have been silly enough to mention it while rambling– except that was probably something that she definitely would do.. but she had no idea what she’d said, she hadn’t paid attention to what she’d been saying, she just knew that she had to fill the silence before she broke down in the car, before she let everything crush down on her like she had three years ago in her home in america– and just like that she knew what she’d said… ❝ i didn’t think you needed to know. ❞
his words cause a tightening in her stomach, and she feels like jumping into his arms at that moment and forgetting everything else, even if it was just for a little while and hugging him… because she knew him, and she knew how much it had taken him to actually be able to say those words out loud, and to her no less.. but she couldn’t do that, not right now; not in her current situation. not after she had been used to torment Skulduggery by the very men they had been looking for, not when she’d been so slow and allowed herself to be caught, not when she had put him in DANGER, or more danger than he’d been facing before anyway.. but most of all, she couldn’t get up and hug him like she so wanted to do, because the doctors at the sanctuary had banned her from moving… something about a leg broken in two places– though she really didn’t see why it meant she couldn’t move, she had a second, perfectly not broken leg to hobble about on.. but they were strict, and she could see one of the doctors watching her closely from the other side of the lab; ready to kick Skulduggery out if Valkyrie tried to get up.. so instead she’d taken to asking questions to distract herself from her sentence of lying on a bed forever.. and she’d carelessly thrown out one ‘why didn’t you leave me there? why didn’t you pretend not to care?’ and she hadn’t expected that answer from him, she’d never seen that answer coming.. she hadn’t even expected any kind of genuine answer; she’d expected to be met with SARCASM… instead… she didn’t know how to react to that without moving..
i can’t not care about youthere’s a part of her that said he could have pretended, he could have gotten out and not put himself in danger, he could have stopped himself from being an idiot; but instead he’d jumped right in to save her. if she was an author she’d have said it was because he was trying to save the woman he loved– or perhaps the piece to a puzzle, a person who knew something.. but she knew neither of them were true… even if she wished they were. ❝ SKULDUGGERY. ❞ his name’s out of her mouth as her gaze quickly flicks towards him; and she carefully, slowly, lifts both her arms, keeping an eye on the doctor that would kick Skulduggery out as soon as she could ( she wasn’t going to give her a chance to kick out her partner ), her hands make a grabbing motion at him before pausing. ❝ come hug me. ❞ because she can’t get up and start the hug herself– and really if he refused, she’d look like an idiot..
She’s sat in the corner of the lounge, her knees drawn up to her chest as she hugs them to her… She’d been in this position for hours- yet she’d only called Skulduggery ten minutes ago. For the most part she hadn’t wanted to call him, didn’t want to worry him, didn’t want to feel WEAK-.. but she’d caved and dialled the number before she could talk herself out of it again.. because she was weak, even if she couldn’t admit that to herself. It’d been about midnight when she’d heard car doors slamming outside before the men forced their way into the mansion… She stupidly hadn’t even had a gun with her; she hadn’t had time to place them throughout the house again. STUPID. From what she’d been able to get out of them, from the words they’d spat at her, they were Roarhaven mages.. Mages whose friends she had killed when she was DARQUESSE– they didn’t care that she was back to normal, that she was just Valkyrie, they just wanted something to kick and hit and let it out on.. She was surprised she wasn’t DEAD. And she hadn’t fought back… She knew she deserved what they were doing, she should have been STRONG enough to stop Darquesse before she got out, she should have been able to prevent it all from happening.. but she had FAILED, and she had to live with that. She doesn’t even look at Skulduggery as she speaks, because she knows he’ll be able to tell that she’s lying, that something’s wrong, that there’s things she hasn’t told him– like how she doesn’t know how to use her practice, how she’s so out of practice fighting that she’d be surprised if she could beat a teenager… how during the five years she was gone she’d done nothing but mope.. that she’d let all her previous training slip away, how she was no longer fit to be his partner on cases, because she wouldn’t be of any use except to stand there and do her best to look pretty, how she was now useless. ❝ A couple of mages broke in– I suppose they were after something.. And I accidentally got in their way. ❞
She’d tuned out everything else he’d said– how she was different now, but that was to be expected, that being different was okay… She’d tuned out everything that he’d said that was meant to reassure her; she didn’t need to be reassured, she was fine- she was fine as long as she kept telling herself that. But those four words, spoken by him quietly, like it was something that pained him– those words had her looking up at him. I’m worried about you. If it had been anybody else she knew she’d have ignored them, told them that they were being silly, that she was fine and nothing was wrong.. But it was him, and she couldn’t lie to him anymore than he could lie to her, he knew her too well… And she couldn’t keep lying to everyone, it was draining her more than she’d thought it would– but she also couldn’t tell him just how badly everything had affected her. How she could no longer sleep at night without nightmares, that she couldn’t enter Roarhaven without seeing all the bodies Darquesse had amassed.. she couldn’t tell him.. She was his combat accessory, his battle accessory- she was supposed to be stronger than this.. she wasn’t meant to be curled up in a mansion, hiding from everything outside, hiding from everything she’d done… At least when Vile had rampaged it hadn’t been Skulduggery’s face they’d seen before they died, it hadn’t been his face they’d seen killing their loved ones… But when Darquesse had gone about trying to destroy the world, it had been Valkyrie’s face she’d done it with.. There’s silence as Valkyrie tries to come up with something to say, a way to say she was okay to reassure him, because he didn’t need to worry about the world and her– he had his job to do, and she was just a sidekick.. He needed to focus on his cases, not on her.. But she couldn’t find the words, all she could manage was a quiet ; ❝ I am too… ❞ before she lapsed back into silence, no longer looking at him, but rather at the floorboards in front of her.
“Then they’re the STUPID ones— No paper– no pencils– The least they can do is let me use what I’m used to; It’d get the work done f a s t e r, for God’s sake–”
He tries to type something, which promptly results in the screen turning blue, the tabs all closing ( his work with it, no doubt without saving at all ) soliciting a howl of frustration from the skeleton, who slams the computer SHUT, pushes it to the side, ( watches it reach the edge of the table, only to fall off ) and throws his hands in the air.
His head snaps ‘round to Valkyrie, whom he stares at, long and hard.
“—Oh, good. I’ve practically got it figured out. Tell the Sanctuary the swap is going just JOLLY.”
A laugh almost escapes the battle accessory as she watches the skeleton detective struggle with the computer, eventually sending it to the floor in his frustrations. It’s only the hard stare he then sends in her direction that has her schooling her features, trying to keep them from showing her amusement. It almost feels like she’s successful. Valkyrie Cain couldn’t recall ever seeing somebody beaten by a computer, a puddle, yes, but a computer, never… Until now. “Well, if you’ve got it nice and figured out, I’ll go and get you some paper, pens and pencils to use. Though I think I’ll leave the HONOUR of telling the Sanctuary about your success to you. After all, I couldn’t let you miss out on their looks of joy, pride and astonishment when they see just how masterful you are with a computer… What kind of friend would I be if I let you miss that?” And without waiting for a response, Valkyrie’s already turned, heading off to get the paper and pens she’d told him she was going to get. Once she’s completely out of the room, Valkyrie can no longer hold it- her calm expression falters, silent laughs escape as she continues on with the intention to get all the laughter out now where Skulduggery can’t see.
“ That would depend entirely on whether or not you’d be willing to get me out of a torturous family reunion and buy me some pizza for dinner. “ Not that she was dreading the upcoming event, she loved seeing her family; she just didn’t care for seeing them all at once in one building… In short, she’d rather deal with a vampire problem than go to the reunion.
❝ SKULDUGGERY is there any chance that instead of me reading this case file, that you could perhaps provide me with a short summary of the file’s contents? Just to save time ? ❞ @skuldxggxry
Look at this thing…. it’s an absolute mess. Besides, why do I even need a computer? I’ve always done my work by hand on p a p e r like a normal human being.”
“ You need a computer for a very simple reason Skul, people no longer use paper, and I don’t want you to be the poor soul who continues using paper well beyond everyone else, just because you wanted to be stubborn. “ She’s not going to say anything about how she agrees with him, and how she prefers paper and handwriting to computers and typing; no, none of that is going to be mentioned– instead she’s just going to wait for his reply, one that she is highly likely to agree with given her own troubles with computers.
