independent and selective VALKYRIE CAIN from the Skulduggery Pleasant series by Derek Landy; as written by caine ( ally ). blog was originally established in feb2013, and rebooted in mar2016.
"– HYPOTHETICALLY, Yes. I could. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if the Sanctuary was just BUBBLING with people wanting to be my S I D E K I C K. My number t w o. My right hand man.“
[ He’s chipper ] Sickeningly so, moving onward from the war ( trying to forget it ever happened. ) Trying to assume that things were BETTER. It was the same thing he did with the subject of his family: He danced around the sorrow. He acted like it didn’t matter. [ Oh, but how heavy it weighed on him ] And oh, what a fearful thing it is to hear Valkyrie asking such a question.
"On the other hand, though, it would be an absolutely stupid thing to desire or even think about. Who needs someone else when I’ve got you, eh?”
The whole time he talks, she tries to reassure herself that he’d be okay if she did end up leaving. Tries to reassure herself that he would manage ( even though she knows for certain that he is capable of it, she can’t help but think of the novels she’d read growing up where one half of a crime-fighting duo collapsed when the other half left ), and more than anything else, she tries to reassure herself that she’s doing the right thing, that this is something she needs to do, that this is something that she needs to tackle; because she’s almost certain that it won’t go away on it’s own. As he talks Valkyrie listens to him closely, trying to let his voice soothe her nerves, her stomach is, by this point, beyond saving.. A knot of dread’s settled in, and she feels like she’s about to be sick… But it’s the question he asks her just before he stops talking that gets her. As Valkyrie stands there looking at Skulduggery, she’s almost certain that her expression shows hints of guilt. Guilt that only becomes stronger when she tries to come up with something to reassure him: ‘Of course you’ve got me… Together until the end, remember?’. –And the words are there. It’s the one promise that she’s valued above all others, and it would be so easy to remind him of it; but she can’t get the words out… The words that would form the biggest lie she’d have ever told.. They stick in her throat, choking her as she stands there, no longer able to look at him. I can’t do this; the thought comes to her quickly- it’s been there ever since the war ended; whenever she had to look at somebody who knew someone that Darquesse had killed, whenever people went to attack her ( either because they thought she was still Darquesse, or because they just wanted somebody to blame, somebody to suffer… ), whenever she noticed the people looking at her with nothing but blame in their eyes, silently accusing her of being weak, for being responsible…. Every time that though revisited her. I can’t do this. And she hated it. Valkyrie tries to change tactic, to try and avoid answering Skulduggery at all, but she can’t even manage that as she inspects her scuffed boots. “ But think about it this way; you could train new detectives, show them how to do things properly, teach them the ropes and.. all that… “ She started off strongly, but slowly her words trail off, she’s unable to keep them going– instead wondering why the ground couldn’t just swallow her whole, or if Skulduggery would be able to catch up to her if she bolted, or if he’d let her go if she just walked away… Those three options would be so much easier than having to tell him that she wanted to leave because she was too weak to handle the job anymore, because everywhere she went she could feel the blame, the guilt.. because she was no longer able to sleep at night, dark circles under her eyes attesting to that fact.. Valkyrie Cain was broken, and she didn’t know how to fix herself. There’s a deep breath, and then, “ I was thinking of going away actually… “ Her gaze flickers up to him for a moment before she looks anywhere but at him, instead focussing on people hurrying about their daily business. “ Maybe getting another job, having some time off… going and seeing the world, y’know? I mean I can’t stay in Ireland forever, and what better time than the present to go and leave… “
“WHINE WHINE WHINE, is that all you do? Perhaps you’ll be a little more willing if I assure you the food is FANTASTIC– ( or, at least, it looks like it ) The company is PLEASANT ( Sort of. I mean, I am there, aren’t I? Perfect company. ) And remind you that I literally found the strength to put myself together after going through a brutal murder and cremation. You can go to a party, sick or not.
Besides, Vex should be there. If you thought he was a looker before, you should see him in a tux.”
“ If the food is that FANTASTIC, then I’m sure you’d be able to save some for your partner in crime solving who can’t possibly go to the ball herself; and bring it HOME to her… Unless of course our whole FRIENDSHIP is a LIE– in which case I shall have to tell you how hurt and BETRAYED I feel about the whole farce that you’ve set up.. IN ADDITION, I have pleasant enough company here, why would I go to a ball? “ ( and she sighs ) “ You can’t keep bringing up how you put yourself together every time I decide I don’t want to go somewhere, that’s both cheatingand annoying. Besides, I’m on my DEATHBED, me going to a party is surely only going to speed up my imminent demise. ———– Are you trying to HOOK ME UP with VEX? “
If anything, this is probably the most emotion Skulduggery has allowed to slip in a very, very long time. Even his threats were half-hearted, watered down by tears he could not shed, settling in his ribs and clinging to his shoulders, his sternum.
He looks tired, really. Like an old friend died. Like that was the end of the line, for him. [ Drama queen. ]
"—– It’s….. w h e r e ?“
His head turns to her, then, pulled away from the carnage that was once a very beautiful car, stares at his partner for a long, hard moment, then returns to the sight of the destruction.
It, too was in the wreckage. Another beautiful thing lost.
The sound that escapes him is hardly dignified, a sort of broken wheeze, that whistles into his teeth and rattles his bones, pressing a single, gloved hand over his eye sockets.
”…… V a l k y r i e…….. If I wasn’t allowed to die before, surely I should be now–“
If Valkyrie was HONEST, she would be able to admit that she did actually feel BAD for Skulduggery. She knew how much he LOVED the Bentley, she knew how much it meant to him, knew how PROUD he was of it– Over the years she’d begun to figure it all out, but she’d never have guessed just how DEVASTATED Skulduggery would be if the Bentley was to WRECKCOMPLETELY. Trying her best to adopt a SYMPATHETIC expression, Valkyrie awkwardly raised her arm, lightly patting Skulduggery’s shoulder(something that she’d seen others do when somebody suffered a great loss) as she tried to come up with something to say.. That was what people did, right? They’d pat the person’s shoulder and then come out with something completely REASSURING to make the person feel better, or at the very least, less upset. The BROKEN sound her partner makes is probably what makes her say it, the very thing that SHOULD be the ultimate reassurance to anyone. “ At least you’ve still got ME. “ And at least I’m still alive and unhurt. Valkyrie doesn’t even bother responding to his last statement, positive that a reply of stop being a drama queen would result in something contradicting his last name.
skuldxggxry: “Wait, we have new neighbors? ….. Are they idiots? Because the last TWO were a couple fries short of a happy meal.”
Her head turns to him quickly an eyebrow raised as she remains curled up in her chair. All she’d said was it looked like they had new neighbours- especially since there was a moving truck and a heap of boxes being taken into the house.. Valkyrie hadn’t even realised their old neighbours had moved out; or she assumed they had, else it was going to be interesting to watch how the people moving in were going to explain themselves. “I said it looks like we’re getting new neighbours; i didn’t say ‘hey I have their file that just so happens to include their I Q s c o r e.” Val’s more amused than anything, though with Skulduggery being such a great detective, he surely should have deduced everything on his own by now.
skuldxggxry: “And your hope these days in Teen Wolf is to see Theo shirtless. We’re even.”
“At least I make my goals achievable.” And despite how much Valkyrie Cain tries to claim that the one and only Skulduggery Pleasant is annoying and sometimes unbearable(due to his ego and general presence), she still has a smile on her face as she answers him back. “Unlike a certain someone’s goal to try and get ‘killer abs’.”
“It’s called a kiss and I can’t take it back now, so you’d best go with it.”
“If you don’t take it back, I might DIE… Haven’t you ever heard of cooties? I could die and become a skeleton… Or a corpse– And I am far too pretty for something like that to happen.”
his words cause a tightening in her stomach, and she feels like jumping into his arms at that moment and forgetting everything else, even if it was just for a little while and hugging him… because she knew him, and she knew how much it had taken him to actually be able to say those words out loud, and to her no less.. but she couldn’t do that, not right now; not in her current situation. not after she had been used to torment Skulduggery by the very men they had been looking for, not when she’d been so slow and allowed herself to be caught, not when she had put him in DANGER, or more danger than he’d been facing before anyway.. but most of all, she couldn’t get up and hug him like she so wanted to do, because the doctors at the sanctuary had banned her from moving… something about a leg broken in two places– though she really didn’t see why it meant she couldn’t move, she had a second, perfectly not broken leg to hobble about on.. but they were strict, and she could see one of the doctors watching her closely from the other side of the lab; ready to kick Skulduggery out if Valkyrie tried to get up.. so instead she’d taken to asking questions to distract herself from her sentence of lying on a bed forever.. and she’d carelessly thrown out one ‘why didn’t you leave me there? why didn’t you pretend not to care?’ and she hadn’t expected that answer from him, she’d never seen that answer coming.. she hadn’t even expected any kind of genuine answer; she’d expected to be met with SARCASM… instead… she didn’t know how to react to that without moving..
i can’t not care about youthere’s a part of her that said he could have pretended, he could have gotten out and not put himself in danger, he could have stopped himself from being an idiot; but instead he’d jumped right in to save her. if she was an author she’d have said it was because he was trying to save the woman he loved– or perhaps the piece to a puzzle, a person who knew something.. but she knew neither of them were true… even if she wished they were. ❝ SKULDUGGERY. ❞ his name’s out of her mouth as her gaze quickly flicks towards him; and she carefully, slowly, lifts both her arms, keeping an eye on the doctor that would kick Skulduggery out as soon as she could ( she wasn’t going to give her a chance to kick out her partner ), her hands make a grabbing motion at him before pausing. ❝ come hug me. ❞ because she can’t get up and start the hug herself– and really if he refused, she’d look like an idiot..
her head tilts ever so slightly as she looks towards the sound of his voice, barely moving, almost like a stone statue ; frozen. unmoving. but that’s where the similarities ended, because inside she’s cursing herself for failing, for being WEAK, for putting skulduggery in even more DANGER than normal, for acting like a child and running back into the world of grown-ups without preparing, without being able to do what’s required.. she never should have accompanied him, and she of course realised it too late; and she can’t stop thinking of how things could have ended, how things could have been a lot WORSE than broken bones on her part, than a heap of dead cleavers, than a detached bone on the skeleton detective.. && yet here he was; caring for her again, like she was a child- and she could see why people would think that.. what she had just tried to do had been childish… she’d tried to be one of the big bad adults, and she’d failed.
the CONCERN she could hear in his voice was what did it–it was the thing that made her angry at herself.. she didn’t deserve concern, she didn’t deserve to have someone care about her, she deserved to just be left there; injured && in pain. that was what she deserved, and they weren’t letting her do just that; and she didn’t understand why. ❝ SKULDUGGERY I said I’m fine, b’sides it’s just a broken rib, or two– far better than being dead or unconscious, so I’m fine.. You should probably go check on Tanith… ❞ because of course she’d put her sister in danger as well, and she couldn’t stand to go and see how badly injured she’d caused her to be.
she’d been about to continue talking until he interrupted ; making her lose her train of thought, leaving her confused about what he was talking about. what hadn’t she told him? she was sure if there was something she wouldn’t have been silly enough to mention it while rambling– except that was probably something that she definitely would do.. but she had no idea what she’d said, she hadn’t paid attention to what she’d been saying, she just knew that she had to fill the silence before she broke down in the car, before she let everything crush down on her like she had three years ago in her home in america– and just like that she knew what she’d said… ❝ i didn’t think you needed to know. ❞
She’d tuned out everything else he’d said– how she was different now, but that was to be expected, that being different was okay… She’d tuned out everything that he’d said that was meant to reassure her; she didn’t need to be reassured, she was fine- she was fine as long as she kept telling herself that. But those four words, spoken by him quietly, like it was something that pained him– those words had her looking up at him. I’m worried about you. If it had been anybody else she knew she’d have ignored them, told them that they were being silly, that she was fine and nothing was wrong.. But it was him, and she couldn’t lie to him anymore than he could lie to her, he knew her too well… And she couldn’t keep lying to everyone, it was draining her more than she’d thought it would– but she also couldn’t tell him just how badly everything had affected her. How she could no longer sleep at night without nightmares, that she couldn’t enter Roarhaven without seeing all the bodies Darquesse had amassed.. she couldn’t tell him.. She was his combat accessory, his battle accessory- she was supposed to be stronger than this.. she wasn’t meant to be curled up in a mansion, hiding from everything outside, hiding from everything she’d done… At least when Vile had rampaged it hadn’t been Skulduggery’s face they’d seen before they died, it hadn’t been his face they’d seen killing their loved ones… But when Darquesse had gone about trying to destroy the world, it had been Valkyrie’s face she’d done it with.. There’s silence as Valkyrie tries to come up with something to say, a way to say she was okay to reassure him, because he didn’t need to worry about the world and her– he had his job to do, and she was just a sidekick.. He needed to focus on his cases, not on her.. But she couldn’t find the words, all she could manage was a quiet ; ❝ I am too… ❞ before she lapsed back into silence, no longer looking at him, but rather at the floorboards in front of her.
