restaurant cook/prep cook prompts

shittyaus:

• I work as a cook at a restaurant and you’re the new waiter/waitress and I’m frustrated cause you’re cute but we hardly interact
  
  
• I’m new here and I’m amazed at how fast you twist and turn to get stuff done in the kitchen (cue the “oh no he’s /she’s hot!”)
  
  
• Our friends know eachother and we’re all hanging out and I catch a glimpse at your arms and wtf happens to you why do you have so many scars?! “I’m a cook.”
  
  
• I’m a waitress that has liked you since I started but I’m worried cause you’re always here? Do you ever go home? You’re here when I come in and still here after my shift.
  
  
• I’m new and at first you seemed super cold and mean but then a friend told me how much responsibility rests on your shoulders and I can’t help but admire how serious you are now.
  
  
• I’m supposed to shadow you and learn the ropes of the kitchen but damn I can hardly keep up and I feel like a klutz. I know where nothing is and I’m slowing you down but you’re super nice and patient about this want to get something to eat later?
  
  
• I’m the new dishwasher and you’re a prep cook and holy balls the restaurant is getting slammed and you help me out like a descending angel of mercy how are you so good at this I thought you’re a cook? “Everyone starts somewhere”
  
  
• The restaurant we work at is attached to a hotel and there’s a wedding reception we’re catering to and usually I only see you in work clothes but now you’re dressed to serve in a waist coat and everything and damn you have a nice ass.
  
  
• I don’t smoke but I join everyone at the back doors for a breath of fresh air and for once you’ve left the kitchen and standing back there too so I take the chance to talk to you and now we have a date.
  
  
• I started a couple weeks ago and everything’s fine until a hot pan touches my arm. Holy fuck does it hurt and there’s no first aid here?! But you sit me down and where did you get that?! “I’ve been here long enough and hurt myself that I keep my burn creme and bandages in my locker.
  
  
• (Can be connected to the previous one) Our mutual friends have us over to hang out and I bump you’re bag and a crap load of medical supplies fall out buT WAIT THERE’S A HUGE KNIFE WTF “I’m a cook and this is my work bag.”
  
  
• Rule one, always call out when passing someone. I break rule one and we both end up running into eachother full force, and wow I didn’t mean to grab you like that.
  
  
• I’m two inches too short for this kitchen and you come over to help me out but no I’ve got this…. Would you please grab that for me?
  
  
• My shift is done and I’m on my way out but I hear you cursing someone name and swearing profusely. I come over to investigate only to fine you fighting with one of the ovens which you’ve named how cute are you.
  
  
• I’m your roommate and I know you can cook why the hell do you eat so little/junk food?? “I work with food all day I’m sick of looking at it/don’t want to make anymore.”
  
  
• (Also connected to the last one) I come home to find you eating mac and cheese and watching cooking shows and critiquing the food dude really? “Just cause I can’t afford to cook like that doesn’t mean I dont know how”
  

AUs

iobeyfandoms:

Here are some aus, divided in different themes.

College themed

1. I’m really passionate about this cause and I will give you this flier if I have to shove it down your throat
   
2. My roommate’s boyfriend is staying over so can I please sleep on your floor
   
3. We’re studying in the library and there are two people very obviously fucking in the stacks and we keep sharing embarrassed glances
   
4. You peed on my car. You were drunk. I was in the car. There will be hell to pay
   
5. My friend dragged me to this party and I just saw my ex quick make out with me
   
6. It’s 3am, in the dead of winter, some motherfucker pulled/set off the fire alarm and I am being very vocal about how I’m gonna make that fucker pay
   
7. I swear I’m wearing this Batman costume because of a dare
   
8. Accidentally knocked on the wrong dorm room college au
   
9. Heard a scream and thought you were getting killed but it was just a spider
   
10. Somehow, we always end up sitting next to each other during the weekly gatherings to watch [Game of Thrones, SVU, Rupaul’s Drag Race, pick a show] in our dorm’s really good TV room 
    
11. I took a bunch of free condoms from health services just because i could and they all fell out of my bag at once and now you’re staring at me weirdly
    

Awkward first meeting themed

1. “This horrible umbrella won’t extend! Oh shit I just hit you in the stomach/crotch! I’m so sorry!”
   
2. “I just tripped and fell face first into your crotch, god end my life now please.”
   
3. “I drunkenly tried to fight you and knocked myself out but you were kind enough to take care of me till I woke up.”
   
4. Trapped in a bank during a robbery 
   
5. “I met you last night when you were drunkenly patting my dog in my backyard at 3 in the morning and when i asked you what the hell you were doing you slurred something about dogs being great and then you threw up on my feet and then fifteen minutes later you were passed out on my couch so that’s why you’re here right now also what the fuck is your name and why were you patting a dog in a stranger’s backyard in the middle of the night”
   
6. “Last night was a haze for both of us and somehow we woke up hungover in a bed that isn’t either of ours and also neither of us recognize this apartment we should probably get out of here before someone calls the cops on us”
   
7. “You found me hanging by my fingertips from your window and i don’t want to tell you i was trying to rob you but idk how else to explain this and i don’t want to go to jail and also you’re kind of cute we should make out when i’m not clinging onto your window ledge for my life”
8. ‘you thought i was someone else and started making out with me at a club and you’re really hot so i just went with it and now we’re heading back to your place and idk how to break it to you’
9. ‘we’re two thirds of the threesome we had last night and we’re walking awkwardly out of the last persons’s apartment together’
10. ‘i’ve had a really awful day so i started kicking a car out of frustration and it turned out to be your car i’m so sorry’
11. “I ordered pizza but the pizzeria got my order wrong so now I’m screaming at my really cute pizza delivery boy because I’m angry and very hungry”
    

Nobility themed

1. “your country’s trying to take over/annex my country and you’re making it difficult to hate you because you’re so nice and attractive stop it”
   
2. “we’ve been engaged to be married since we were three but this is the first time we’ve met and your portraits really don’t do you justice”
   
3. “i’m a prince/ss and you’re a servant and we’re not supposed to hang out but we’re gonna fall in love anyways”

Opposites attract themed

1. a hopeless romantic and a single-but-proud meet at a store on valentine’s day. the latter is buying valentine cards ironically, the former buying them sincerely in hopes of getting a date
   
2. a scary-looking person who unintentionally makes kids cry and a daycare volunteer meet at a children-filled park
   
3. rebellious teenager who’s failing all their classes is assigned a studious tutor
   
4. really distinguished food critic and fast food chef
   
5. a hopeless romantic and a horny beast are set up on a blind date
   

High school themed

1. “We’re the only ones in detention”
   
2. “I desperately need my books but my locker is blocked and you’re the only one in the hall”
   
3. “Someone wrote I’m cute in the bathroom stall and your notes match the handwriting”
   
4. “I twisted my ankle and you’re the only one here strong enough to carry me to the nurse’s office but we’re both really awkward”
   
5. “We were both left out when everyone was picking partners and now we always choose each other when we have classes together”
   
6. “I lent you my cool pencil months ago and you still use it”
   
7. “I accidentally took your notebook thinking it was mine and you have really nice handwriting and cute doodles”
   
8. “You started sitting by me at lunch because I’m alone at my table but we never talk to each other”
   
9. “I was really hungry but had no money and you bought me lunch even though I don’t know you”
   
10. “I left my phone number on the bathroom stall wall and you text me about your day and your frustrations for a month & it’s really nice and cute but I still don’t know who you are”
    
11. “I fell asleep on your couch after a party but you didn’t complain and made breakfast for the both of us”
    
12. sharing a textbook and leaving each other notes and answers in page corners
    
13. found their phone number in a library book
    
14. dancing partners
    
15. younger siblings are best friends
    
16. playing romantic interests in a play
    
17. “yes i understand that it’s may and this classroom is stuffy but why are you taking your shirt off and why aren’t you in trouble (not that i mind)”
    
18. “i can’t believe you dropped the frog we’re dissecting on tHE FLOOR WHAT THE FUCK”
    
19. “i’m fightin this person and they shoved me into u im sooo sorry- oh hey you’re cute- oH MY GOD UR KICKIN ASS MARRY ME!!! PLEASE!!!!”
    
20. “you asked me to prom by filling my locker with ping pong balls that say “prom?” on them but i tripped on one and smacked my head on a locker but thanks for taking me to the nurse!!! i still want to go with you!!”
    

Ridicously sentence themed

1. “I’m going to need you to put on some underwear before you say anything else.“ 
   
2. “Quick catch that cat it stole my wallet!”
   
3. “I hope you know that my name is actually ________.”
   
4. “That is the tenth demon summoning this week holy shit.”
5. “Please put me down it’s just a sprained ankle" 
   
6. “Why exactly do you need chloroform at 2AM?”
   
7. “I’m like 75% this won’t explode on us.”
   
8. “I understand the whole sleep talking thing but what I don’t understand is the princess dragon dream and why I’m in it.”
   
9. “I’m sorry that I got way too into playing house and accidentally kissed you passionately.”

Height difference themed

1. “I’m in a bookshop and I really need that book can you get it for me??? Wait you’ve read that book? let’s have an in depth conversation about it.”
   
2. “You were trying to reach for a box of cereal and a whole shelf’s-worth of cereal boxes fell on you here let me help”
   
3. “We’re both baristas and sometimes I have trouble reaching for things and I show up to work one day to find a personalized stool with hearts and my name on it i hATE YOU but also thanks”
   
4. “You are very tall and I am very short so you run into me all the time and honestly this is getting ridiculous”
   
5. I’m in art class and I just opened a cupboard to find a tiny person (you) squished inside and you just looked at and said “shh i’m hiding”
   
6. “We’re on the bus and I’m really not trying to take up your space I’m sorry I just have rlly rlly long legs” 
   
7. “You’re afraid that you’ll lose me in big crowds so you always hold my hand but now you just hold my hand when there’s only, like, five people around and I’m getting vry suspicious” 

Reincarnation themed

1. I fell in love with you three lifetimes ago and I’ve been looking for you ever since but I’ve been starting to give up and my friend’s new crush has your eyes and oh god I’m not going to steal someone’s date just because I’m hoping you’re the person I met in a past life
   
2. We keep reincarnating as people who speak different languages and it’s kind of pissing me off because I can never initially confirm if it’s you but at least I keep learning a bunch of cool new languages each lifetime

Mythical creatures themed

1. “i’m a newly-turned werewolf without a pack and i can’t really control myself well on full moon nights yet and you keep finding me passed out naked on your lawn”
   
2. “i got cursed and turned into an animal and taken to the shelter and ended up getting adopted by someone who is really hot OH NO”
   
3. “i’m a history major and i keep getting into arguments with one of my classmates about things because they keep saying i’m wrong so i finally scream, ‘how would you know?!?’ and they’re like, ‘because i was THERE!’ and that’s how we all find out that there is a centuries-old vampire taking our British history class”
   

Funny meeting at a party themed

1. “i was on my balcony and you started loudly quoting romeo and juliet at me”
   
2. “spilled my drink down your shirt and then tried to drink it off you”
   
3. “we had an impromptu rap duet in the middle of the party”
   
4. “you kept asking everyone to play the cha cha slide then proceeded to pass out when the song started”
   
5. “you keep shouting “THIS IS MY JAM” at every song that comes on i have a headache the size of nebraska you’re lucky you’re cute”
   
6. “whenever you saw me you’d shout ‘WHOOOOOOOOO’ really loudly and then do finger guns at me before walking off to god knows where”
   
7. “you thought I was your friend and pulled me up on the table to dance with you now you’re shirtless and grinding on me”
   
8. “you got up to the mic and started singing and holy shit you’re really good???”
   
9. “you’re really bad at beer pong but you do this really cute dance before you throw the ball so I’m letting you stay on my team”
   
10. “our mutual friend dared the two of us to chug a whole pint of beer and I’m not going to let you beat me”
    
11. “we both grabbed for the last bottle of the good beer and i’m not saying we’re going to fight for it but we are”
    

Competitive themed

1. we’re both ‘team leaders’ at a summer camp for little people and you may be hot but goddammit my collection of twelve-year-olds are going to beat yours into the dust
   
2. I used to be the best baker in the neighbourhood but then you showed up at Mrs Appleby’s 80th birthday with a stack of brownies which almost gave me an orgasm my honour is at stake and I’m going all out for the next event
   
3. a mutual friend invited us to their laser tag party and we’re the last two alive on opposite teams and goddammit if I’m going down you’re going down with me
   
4. you’re going to be at the halloween party and you’ve won best costume for the past three years but this year I am wearing the best costume ever if you defeat me I will eat my - wait you actually look really cute when did you turn hot what the fuck um
   
5. we’re always making stupid bets like ‘bet you can’t drink this whole bottle of BBQ sauce’ but then you did and now you’re sick and I feel really bad here let me look after you
   
6. did you actually just blue shell me on our date you fucker
   

“We’re bad at dating” themed

1. I can’t tell whether this is a date because you asked to see a movie but I’m still not sure you’re queer, and I’m toeing the line because maybe you’re just trying to make friends
   
2. I decided to flip a coin about every decision in my life for a week and that’s how we ended up on a date
   
3. We’re both meant to be going on blind dates with other people but we sat down at the wrong table and got our hopes up
   
4. We had one really bad date and never spoke again and now our friends have set us up on a blind date
   
5. We’re going on a blind date - but wait a moment, aren’t you that went down on me in a back alley behind a club year ago? … what do you mean “which one”?
   
6. You’re my waiter and I’m on a really crappy date with an asshole

Some AUs

xi-jie:

Neighbors AU

• My WiFi is acting up, can you give me your WiFi code?
  
• I found this underwear on my balcony, I believe this is yours? Bonus: I was on the balcony and it fell on my head.
• Please help me, I know you have a kid and my sibling just dropped their baby on me where’s the button to put them to sleep?
• Our windows are facing each others and I’m totally not peeking at your sleeping face every morning.
  
• I’m stressed and sleep-deprived, please let me pet your cat.

Strangers AU

• We were sitting next to each other in a public place and I saw a mosquito on you and my instincts just acted before my mind.
  
• You were working out in the park and accidentally punched me in the face.
  
• My friend’s pet rand away and I’m asking everyone if they saw it and you offer to help me find it.
  
• We mixed up our clothes at the laundry service and I have nothing left to wear and every thing you wear is too big/small for me.
  
• I read in the train every morning and would you please stop reading over my shoulder?
  
• We’re at a comic book store and if you tell me your superhero is better than mine I’m gonna have to punch you in the teeth.
  
• I got a polaroid and I’m taking pictures of cute animals in the park but I saw you and you’re so handsome I had to take a picture and you noticed it.
• I fell asleep on your shoulder on the train and I’m so sorry.
  
• I got the wrong number and your voice is so nice I don’t want to hang up.
  
• There are no table left at this restaurant and you let me sit at yours since you’re alone.
• I fell asleep in the park and you need to close.
• I’m a single grown-up with busy friends but I want to go to Disneyland so I drop a message on a forum to find someone like me to go wear silly Mickey ears headband and stuff ourselves with cotton candy.
  
• We’re taking the train together and I notice you wear you shirt inside out, again.
  
• I’ve been lost for 4 hours now please help me find my way home.
  

Job AU

• I’m working as a hot sale mascot for a milk company and this stuff is so uncomfortable I fell on you and wow, you’re hot and I’m a cow.
• My computer broke down so I called an IT and now I need to find a reason to call them back so I delete important files and download adwares and do all kinds of stupid things.
  

Other

• Schoolmates AU: It’s pouring and you don’t have an umbrella, want to share mine?
  
• Schoolmates AU: I wrote a note to my friend about how hot you are but it fell at your feet. 
  
• Blogger AU: Your blog is full of scenery pictures and deep posts so why are you following my cute animals blog??
  
• Utaite AU: I can’t bring myself to approach you and ask for a collab and find out you’re the same.

nerds-are-cool:

if you’re struggling for AU ideas take a look-see at this list i wrote for my friend who dubbed it “better than the 10 commandments" 

1)     Coffee shop AU

i)       Barista and person who has a ridiculous coffee order

ii)      I’m worried about your coffee dependency

iii)     you accidentally poured boiling hot coffee over me so you’re responsible for taking me to A&E

iv)     you give me a different fake name every time you come into starbucks and I just want to know your real name bc ur cute but here I am scrawling “batman” onto your stupid cappuccino

2)      Flower shop AU

i)       You buy a weird amount of flowers and I’m concerned as to why

ii)      I’m allergic to flowers but I work in a flower shop – you’re a customer who’s very confused as to why I’d do that

iii)     (this is also a good way to incorporate flower meanings eg, buying certain colours/types for person to represent feelings etc.)

3)      Library AU

i)       You’re overdue on this book and I want it so I’m tracking u the fuck down

ii)      I work in the library and I’m a little concerned for your health bc you never stop studying

iii)     The library’s pretty empty save for you and me and OH that couple making out loudly in the shelves somewhere

4)      Awful first time meeting

i)       I accidentally punched you in the face when I was too overexcited about something

ii)      I thought you were my friend who’s just done something awful to me (read: cut my hair while I slept, dyed all of my clothes pink, etc. etc.) because you look similar from behind so I stormed up to you and shoved you from behind while calling you an asshole

iii)     You get the gist to this one

iv)     Oooh when you told me your name I thought you were joking because it’s fucking awful and I made a joke about it and things got awkward real fucking fast (perfect for a Hannibal au just saying)

5)      Weird places to meet/awkward meetings in general

i)       We live in the same block of flats but haven’t ever talked and Sunday morning we were both doing the walk of shame and had to stand in the lift together

ii)      “okay I know that being in the woods at 2am is a weird thing to be doing but my friend called me and- wait, why are you in the woods at 2am, fuck I’m going to die aren’t I?”

iii)     A personal favourite of mine – first day at a new job and oh fuck my boss is the person I drunkenly hooked up with last weekend/night

iv)     We keep accidentally running into each other I’m not a stalker I swear

v)      You live across from me in our apartments and we smile when we see each other but we don’t really know each other and oh you’re the stripper at my friend’s stag do/hen night fuck this is really uncomfortable

vi)     “My shower’s broken but I’ve got a date tonight could I possibly use your shower please?” “Oh sure (neighbour that I’ve been crushing on for the past six months) of course you can use my shower to get ready for your date (fuck fuck fuck)”

6)      Friends to romance – pining and all that wonderful shit

i)       You’ve got a date tonight and you asked for advice on what to wear but I’m so in love with you and damn you look good in the outfit I picked out for you

ii)      I really like you but you’re my best friend’s ex

iii)     You’ve liked me for ages and were really obvious about it and I didn’t like all the attention but now you’re over me I really miss it and fuck I think I like you too?

iv)     Somewhere along the way of getting into bar fights together, staying up all night with movie marathons, other friendship things, I’ve fallen in love with you but oh my god this could ruin EVERYTHING

v)      Friends with benefits oh wait I like you

7)      FAKE DATING HOLY SHIT I LIVE FOR THIS

i)       It’s my highschool reunion and I need a hot date so I can rub it in the faces of the people who hated me

ii)      My homophobic parents are coming to visit will you pretend to date me as an extra “fuck you”?

iii)     There’s a person who won’t stop bugging me will you pretend to be my partner so that they’ll fuck off?

iv)     I told my sister I have a boyfriend so she’d stop trying to set me up with people but now she’s coming to visit and I’m in too deep I need a fake boyf ASAP

8)      Soulmate aus

i)       The first words your true love(s) will say to you are tattooed on you and why the fuck are their first words something really ridiculous like ‘I’ll pay you a tenner to punch me in the face’ or ‘quick what’s your favourite animal’ or ‘fucking shit hell holy fuck wow oh my god jesus h Christ fuck me’ etc. or even worse a really ridiculous song lyric like  the opening lines of uptown funk or a high school musical song or smthing did you have to serenade me the first time you saw me asshole?

ii)      You get an ‘impression’ of your soulmate when you turn 18 or something but all I got was a strong smell of bananas or an overwhelming feeling that Thatcher was a good prime minister or an image in my mind of a fucking unicorn

iii)     The more ridiculous the better actually

iv)     Something like whenever your soulmate sings a duet you can’t help but join in and my fucking soulmate is in a goddamn band but I can’t sing for shit

v)      Or maybe something like soulmates always sneeze at the same time and I cant be sure but me and this kid in my French class just sneezed at the same time are we soulmates or was it a coincidence (proceed w character trying to make themselves sneeze around said person to see what’s what)

9)      Alternate universes for real

i)       Mermaids

ii)      Siren and asexual pirate who doesn’t understand why all his crew are losing their shit that person has a nice voice sure but what the fuck is happening

iii)     Hogwarts

iv)     We live in a world where the greek gods are real and you went and got yourself cursed and now I have to go on a fucking quest to sort this shit out why do I love you again?

v)      Pacific rim au (either they’re drift compatible or one of them is a ranger and the other stresses constantly bc what if they die yes I have read a fic like this no I didn’t come up with this one but it’s fucking good) (also if you haven’t seen that film go watch it now)

vi)     Literally any movie or book universe you like tbh just go for it

10)   Other aus that I like

i)       I wanted to go on the ferris wheel but there has to be two people to a cart come on random person let’s go oh wait are we stuck at the top? Fuck

ii)      We work in the same office and you have a goddamn squeaky chair and you wONT FUCKING STOP SQUEAKING IT BECAUSE YOU KNOW IT ANNOYS ME

iii)     Our mutual friend set us up on a blind date and I thought I’d hate it but you’re actually… kind of funny? But because I expected to hate it in no way am I going to let you change my mind just because you’re gorgeous and funny and intelligent oh no my friend is not winning this

iv)     It started to snow and I’m the only one of our friends who would go outside with you – I soon found out why none of the others would go out in the snow with you (this works best if they’re new friends who don’t know each other all that well) when you shoved a handful of snow down my back and declared snow war

v)      It’s nowhere near Christmas it’s literally still November would you calm down about Christmas wait no why are you getting the tree out no stop please stop (if you do this pre-relationship you can have the grouchy one secretly finding the other’s excitement endearing and falling in love with them actually that works for established relationship too)

vi)     Current partner got a new job in America (or other country far away) and we’re getting by on skype calls and emails but it’s not easy and then I met someone new (can be poly or can be finding the OTP person)

vii)   You want us both to get in shape and I hate working out/running but your ass looks really good in shorts oh the things I do for my friends and their nice asses

viii)  Carrying on from 10.vii. you’ve caught me checking you out in what I thought was a subtle way too many times and now you’re calling me out on it what do I do???

ix)     You’re an actor/other famous person that I really admire and I just saw you in the street and as I was debating whether or not to say hi you came up to me and started flirting what do I do??

x)      You were waving at your friend behind me but I got confused and waved back at you and now I’m dying of embarrassment but you think it’s cute

xi)     I sat down in the wrong class and I’m panicking but don’t want to get up and leave because the class has started and you think it’s hilarious and shut up you dumb fuck you don’t know me aahhh

xii)   I’m a waiter at this wedding and you’re a drunk guest who will not stop hitting on me please I’m trying to work no I can’t dance with you omg let me find you some water

xiii)  Our best friends are that awful ‘cute’ couple that make-out in public and call each other “sweetie” and “sugar” and “babe” and god they’re awful let’s talk about how awful they are – develops into “shit we’re the awful couple now”

xiv)  You pissed me off in class so I threw a book at your head and now I’m in detention and jesus fuck I hate you so much and the teacher made me apologise and wait you’re cuter up close and the way you talk is kind of nice actually oh fuck no

Okay I could go on forever but this is over 1,500 words of auing already I have too many ideas christ

send me some to @theskyis-forever

_{repost, don’t reblog.
fill in the questions with characters your muse knows → you can’t repeat people you can’t tell me what to do (plus i already know there’s answers where it needs to be the same dudes)}

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TAGGING:   @skuldxggxry, @wallfighter, @crystxllinx, @gistuser, @bespxke, @mevclent, @goldenxeyed}

PERSON THEY CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT.

^{there are plenty of people that valkyrie could live without; hell, if she was asked, it would be unlikely for her to actually admit that there are people she couldn’t live without.  as a child, she would have answered her mother and father and her uncle gordon…  they were the ‘responsible’ adults in her life, the people she trusted more than anybody else, her friends and family; as a child she wouldn’t have been able to live without them..  but then she met skulduggery pleasant on the night somebody tried to kill her, and slowly her answer began to change without her even realising it. –it started with i could live without them,  but i don’t want to- until it finally reached the stage where she wouldn’t be able to function properly without them, and somewhere along the way, her parents were left behind and she’d already been without her uncle gordon for so long, that even the echo stone stopped working.  though there was no way to pin-point when it started, but valkyrie cain wouldn’t be able to live without skulduggery pleasant around.} 

PERSON WHO NEVER FAILS TO MAKE THEM SMILE.

^{there is no person who never fails to make valkyrie smile.  but there are people with a higher success rate, who if they actively tried to cheer valkyrie up, they would succeed, but they wouldn’t always receive a smile.  tanith low for example is good at making valkyrie laugh, however it is not always done on purpose; and it has varying degrees of success.  ghastly bespoke makes valkyrie feel calmer more than anything, comfortable, like she’s at home, also protected- but he’s not usually one for jokes, at least not obvious ones- but he is also good at cheering valkyrie up.  idiotic people are perhaps one of valkyrie’s favorite forms of entertainment, though that only lasts until the point they become annoying- it’s a short-lived entertainment.  as a child her family never failed to make her smile; growing up, the antics of her father became a reason to smile, as was the resignation on her mother’s face when her husband forgot his shoes…  her uncle was also a reason to smile, as were his stories ( though the smile perhaps lessened when she realised just how much of those stories were true ).  but eventually skulduggery pleasant became the person….? who was best at making valkyrie smile, or at least cheer up… something about his wit and ability to punch people ( perhaps also his ability to know what to say to make her feel better; or at least to not feel as bad as she had previously ) always made her feel better…  as did the fact that only she was allowed in the front seat of the bentley; maybe it was more the feeling that she belonged by his side that cheered her up.}

PERSON THEY FEEL SAFE TO BE VULNERABLE AROUND.

^{vulnerability is not something that valkyrie cain is comfortable showing anybody; she hates feeling weak, she hates appearing weak, and she hates showing others that she is weak (at least that’s how she appears to herself).  it is rare to begin with that she would let her guard down around anybody, and more often than not, her vulnerability is only shown after intense fighting or trauma, though she puts her guards back in place as soon as she can.  since she’s like a sister to her, tanith low has seen valkyrie being vulnerable, though the moment she realises she’s doing it, val tries to act tough again…  largely because she wants to be like tanith, she wants to be strong, a warrior, unafraid- and to her that means never showing weakness, so she keeps everything inside of her.  but there are nights where the two will have sleepovers and muck around, just like normal girls who don’t have to worry about wars, and it’s times like those where she will show a more vulnerable side.  ghastly has seen valkyrie acting vulnerable, but the moment she hears somebody else coming, the guards are back up.  to valkyrie, ghastly is like a father and she will go to him for advice, or just to have a tea and a chat- sometimes she’ll try to get a training session out of it; though that rarely happens.  skulduggery pleasant however is not somebody valkyrie would ever willingly show a vulnerable side to.  skulduggery is like a hero to valkyrie, she looks up to him, he’s her best friend, her mentor, her partner– but she would never willingly show weakness in front of him.  she needs to be strong for him, needs to be strong because she is his battle accessory; she wants to impress him, show him that she can be strong, that she’s brave–  but there are times when she’s sure that he can see through her, that he can see just how frightened she is, and of course he tries to reassure her in his own way; and it does more often than not work.  but the two of them never talk about feelings, they never talk about weakness, they are taboo topics; and it is perhaps for those reasons that valkyrie is in some ways more closed off with him than anybody else– but he is the person that makes her feel the safest.}

PERSON THEY WANT TO IMPRESS.

^{skulduggery pleasant, tanith low, ghastly bespoke– everyone…  valkyrie wants to impress people.  she wants people to see that she’s strong, that she’s capable, that she can look after herself…. she wants them to see that she’s independent- she wants to be impressive (and she will often joke about how impressive she is, but there’s always a voice in the back of her head telling her she’s not).   and she hides every insecurity, every negative thought, every weakness inside of her in order to try and be how she thinks others want her to be.}

PERSON THEY WANT TO SPEND THEIR LIFE WITH.

^{valkyrie is not good with relationships, especially romantic ones- so there is nobody that she would want to spend the rest of her life with like that.  she doesn’t want to be married, doesn’t want a husband…  she doesn’t trust people easily enough to allow herself that.  but she does want to spend the rest of her life by the side of skulduggery pleasant.  she wants to spend years by the side of a dead man, solving crimes, going on adventures;  that is where she wants to be, that’s where she feels alive…  and that’s what she’s already promised him.  until the end.}

PERSON THEY FEEL THEY NEED TO PROTECT.

^{there are many people valkyrie feels the need to protect.  her sister (alice), her mother, her father, her aunt and uncle, her cousins, to a much lesser extent, her mortal friends…  but mostly it’s her family she feels the need to protect, though she does so from a distance; her being near them is enough to put them in danger after all.  valkyrie also wants to protect the mages she’s friends with, the people who don’t annoy her- ghastly bespoke, tanith low, finbar wrong, fletcher renn, china sorrows, kenspeckle grouse… etc.  but above all of them, she wants to protect skulduggery- the two of them have saved each other enough times that it’s become a reflex to protect the other- and at the end of the day, he is the only one that can truly understand what she’s gone through, what she’s still going through and trying to cope with.}

PERSON THEY ARE AFRAID TO BE REJECTED BY.

^{val is afraid of rejection by numerous people, though it is to varying degrees.  she’s afraid of being rejected by tanith low; her sister and best friend.  she’s afraid of ghastly bespoke rejecting her; he’s a father figure to her and a good friend.  she’s afraid of skulduggery pleasant rejecting her and no longer wanting to be partners, or work with her; in fact she’s terrified of that, and above all, he is her closest friend, and she is terrified of losing him.   ( also the dead men )}

PERSON THEY’D TAKE SHIT FROM & NOT MIND.

^{val always takes shit from skulduggery and deals with it, though there are a few times where she does mind, and will question exactly what he meant by what he said– but it doesn’t overly bother her for long.  she’d take shit from ghastly if he ever gave her any, same goes for tanith and the other dead men.}

PERSON THEY WOULDN’T HESITATE TO KILL.

^{valkyrie wouldn’t hesitate to kill somebody who hurt/killed one of her family members or friends.  she is fiercely loyal and protective of them.  she also wouldn’t hesitate to kill somebody who killed/hurt an ally of hers in a fight- if she’d fighting with them, then she’d got their back.}

PERSON THEY NEVER EXPECTED TO LIKE BUT NOW LOVE.

^{skulduggery pleasant    nobody}

PERSON THEY FEEL BETRAYED BY.

^{there are probably a fair few people she feels betrayed by.  largely she would feel betrayed by erskine ravel, for reasons that are rather obvious; and there would be others along the way like nye and china sorrows…  but over all, she would feel hugely betrayed by HERSELF, and it would be the biggest betrayal that continuously plays on her mind; partly because it resulted in the injury and deaths of people she knew and people she loved-  but also because she would be stuck tormenting herself as she tries to think of ways that she could have stopped it from happening; even though at the time there was nothing that she could do.}

PERSON THEY RESPECT BUT DO NOT LIKE.

^{skulduggery pleasant. (or that’s what she’d tell him anyway)… but honestly, i think she would respect those with power; serpine, mevolent, the baron, lord vile, springheeled jack, sanguine– and others who are evil; she’d respect their power and abilities, but she wouldn’t be fond of them at all.  but largely it would also be people she didn’t like in general either because they made her feel uncomfortable or because they were just dislikable people– but there’s no list in her head of people she respects, she either will or will not.  end of story.}

^{PERSON THEY FEEL LIKE THEY HAVE FAILED.}

^{alice edgley; she wasn’t able to protect her sister, in fact she was directly responsible for her sisters death, and to valkyrie; she just all around failed her sister, and that is something she will never forgive herself for, and something that she will have nightmares about forever.  tanith low;  she wasn’t able to stop her sister being taken over by the remnants, she wasn’t able to help her when she needed it most, and she was forced to sit back and watch some monster control her.  ghastly bespoke; initially when he was turned to stone and she was unable to help him, she felt she’d failed him- it didn’t help matters that the cleaver was after her and he’d done it to protect her.  and later when they found out there was a traitor and valkyrie didn’t pick up on it, she felt she’d failed ghastly then too- because if she’d just gone with him, she might have been able to do something to save him, or she might have been able to see the attack and stop it— she felt responsible for his death; she’d failed to protect him.  skulduggery pleasant;  when darquesse took over, valkyrie felt she’d failed skulduggery, because she wasn’t strong enough to stop it from happening, she wasn’t strong enough to get back control once it had happened–  it is a large event where she feels she failed skulduggery- she was after all, supposed to be strong enough for it to never happen, strong enough to have no weakness.  though there are other times along the way where she felt she’d failed skulduggery, but that was the biggest time.}

some shitty neighbour AUs

corvou:

corvou:

• you are never home when the mail comes so  i always have to take your packages you fucker
• you never open your door for children on halloween so i always pay the kids to smear your door with shaving cream
• your bike always stands in front of mine in the cellar and i nearly break my neck when trying to get mine 
• you gave me your key to take care of your flowers while youre gone but i decided to take all your food as payment and you are so not amused
• my printer isnt printing anymore and my papers are due tomorrow so im on my knees in front of your door begging to use your printer when the old lady from above passes us and thinks im proposing to you
• eurovision song contest is on but my tv is so small and i saw you have a big ass television, so i brought over some popcorn and wodka. deal?
• the neighbour above us keeps being really loud and we are done with talking to him so we meet up to plan our revenge
• im just here to tell you that you need to stop taking showers at 3 am. get your shit together you nerd
• we always run into eachother on the stairs but we’ve never said more than hello but when we found out that we both hate the other neighbours, we became friends 
• you lost your key and i allowed you to stay in my apartment until the locksmiths arrives
  

• we’re watching the same sports game but apparently youre for the other team so im trying to cheer louder than you
• i came home drunk and wouldnt stop knocking on your door. when you open i keep telling you to get out of my apartment
  
• after a rough party night i find you sleeping on the stairs but since im still a little asshole all i do is put a blanket over you and a pillow under your head
  
• during a storm all the lights went out and now youre in my apartment bc youre afraid of the dark but i want to kick you out again since all you do is keep telling cheesy one liners
  
• you knocked furiously on my door to tell me to stop having loud sex but when i appear fully clothed in front of you, we both are disturbed by the thought of it being the old lady from above